


Walking After You

by tradeallmytommorrows



Series: I Won't Let You Fall Tonight [1]
Category: Fall Out Boy, Marianas Trench
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, but they eventually get together i promise, don't read all the tags if you don't wanna be spoiled, he pines for josh, josh and pete are bronx's biological parents, this is sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-08 14:02:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 13,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7760704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tradeallmytommorrows/pseuds/tradeallmytommorrows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh Ramsay and Pete Wentz once upon a time had the best mistake happen for both of them, the world becoming so clear. The only problem was, Josh had someone else and Pete was married to Ashlee, Josh's distant cousin. But one night, they made the mistake, and a lot unravelled, ending in Josh going to Vancouver and getting into a unknown accident that caused him to lose that year or so  memory, the memory of having ever had even relations with Pete Wentz. Now Pete is searching for Josh, but when will things work out for them? and when Josh discovers someone he was supposed to remember as part of remembering Pete, will things change? </p><p>A lead singer and a bassist, how cliche. But these two are far from cliche.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Breaking Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late post. 
> 
> Note: the chapters on ao3 don't get the media and YouTube videos. Please read the story's Wattpad version for lyric based titles.
> 
>  
> 
> Song of the chapter:  
> Breaking Inside (ft. Lzzy Hale) - Shinedown

walking after you official Spotify playlist:  
(Every chapter gets a song added.)  
https://open.spotify.com/user/welcometothepanicroom/playlist/0eOynfjNZUeE8lmUxVHZQN

  
This specific version is better because it has two voices.

A lot of it is not mtrench or fall out boy. GINAFS is going to be used at some point within the first ten chapters.

 

* * *

 

{Josh's POV} _July 1st, 2016_

These years had made me forget. Between my engagement being ended by my would be fiancé and a past one night lust I'd rather forget, I'd come out of those years alive.

I didn't know anyone. I strikes  the idea of a family. I hated when the Rumor spread I wanted a little boy, because of how much it hurt me to know I could likely never have my own son. My own son.

In the midst of a frenzy, and a accident that happened in late 2007, I couldn't remember the exact to a year before. I couldn't remember discovering who my cousins were. My mom had never had contact with her sister in law's  cousin's family and I couldn't blame her. Her sister in law's cousin  was a pretentious bitch.

Her son was such a nice kid. I missed someone calling me their "uncle". Oh if only he knew, if only he knew, I always thought. How much I had loved the dark haired guy I could barely remember.

I was scrolling through Twitter, looking at tweets. People were analyzing astoria. Thinking Amanda cheated on me when it was my fault and I wanted no one to know anything about it because I couldn't remember it beyond those lyrics. Those words.

"@joshramsay: some words are better left unsaid. RT @TrenchRamsay: did Amanda cheat?" I answered without being sassy for once. I was not doing okay. Considering the hellish year I had and Amanda realizing what had happened and what my accident had caused.

I don't remember saying goodbye. I remember never seeing him again. I remember his son but not him. The only trouble with the world was that things were so insane I couldn't fathom going to  his city anymore without the band.

With my band, I was okay. Amnesia stricken me had remembered everything but those six months.

Something had happened and my mind refused to unlock it. But what was it?

I sighed and slumped against the seat in the airport, my hands stumbling with my phone. The fact that I was so upset didn't help my case because I started thinking about him, why I have a secret tattoo for the only memory I have.

  
"You're the morning moon and I'm the midnight sun." Was what he said, and that's why I had that stupid Unicode moon tattoo on my left ankle that the fans had never ever noticed, thankfully.

It looked like it'd faded over years anyways and I hoped it'd just fade. I felt like I was breaking inside, then I caught the eyes of that stranger I'd seen. Who was he, running by in the airport?

I walked to the tour bus once we landed and I decided to get some help from one of my bandmates. I had to find that guy agai... "Did you see that guy in the airport?" I asked Matt, all my bandmates were slimly aware I'd started to show my "true self". I honestly swore off girls after Amanda, because I liked guys more. I just hadn't found the right one.

Can someone tell me it's not too late for me to find love this time?


	2. the shadow of mistakes i've made.;

{Pete} December 3rd, 2008

I made the biggest mistake of my life, watching all of it crumble and holding divorce papers. My eyes were watering and tears were pouring. The lawyer ruled I could get partial custody of my small son, and I was happy, for then. But it was the best mistake. I remembered the eyes he had. Blue and full of wonder. He was 5 years younger, and had come over to visit his cousin for a few days. He had a voice like no other. He could sing like an angel and scream like no other. I knew that super well.

We talked absentmindedly about things. He talked about running away and making sure his girlfriend never knew what happened. I had dreams we'd one day be together, and I was married to someone else. I wanted that blue eyed wonder.

"Pete." Ashlee had sounded mad, angry and sharp. I hated when her voice was like that, I hated hated hated it. "What's this? Are you sleeping with my cousin from Vancouver??!! My sister caught you!" Ashlee laid out the photos on the table.

Caught, even after she'd sworn not to tell. I wanted nothing to do with Ashlee. I loved someone else and had tried for far too long.

"It was one time!" I said, exclaiming. "Ashlee, please...." My eyes stared at the ground. At the photos of my blue eyed wonder. I wanted him back here and to wipe the tears and to do all that.

"We are getting a divorce, Pete. I cannot tolerate knowing you doing that to this family and mine! Josh is a cousin by marriage and you sleep with someone who has gone through worse shit than you? Get out of my life! You can have joint custody of Bronx. Now leave." I left that night, head in hands, laying in the swing for a few moments and deleting everything from my mind, swinging my legs and looking at the bright sky that I knew I wouldn't get back home in Chicago.

I messed up. I loved Josh Ramsay more than my own wife and I know that the world was against it all. I grabbed my wedding ring and tossed it at the door, seething at the mouth. If she wanted me gone, I would go.

I left, finding my own place. I had no way to contact Josh as the number he'd given me had been disconnected for  
Some reason. Or he had a girlfriend. Every night I hoped a sign would come to me that I could live without that damn blue eyed wonder and I could live.

"You promise you won't cry when I move to Los Angeles?" I had asked him a long time ago.

"I promise." My blue eyed wonder spoke, and stared back at me with those ocean eyes.' He hated seeing me cry.

I just wish he would be here to wipe the tears. Or play with Bronx. How I wish he could know Bronx.

There was a secret in the midst.  
You see, Bronx wasn't mine and Ashlee's. We faked the whole pregnancy. Bronx was my son, for sure. But my lips were sealed on you can guess who his other parent is.

Ashlee hated me because I found out that Josh had been born with a ability to carry a kid and we maybe messed up.We adopted Bronx and Ashlee adored Bronx but Bronx looked nothing like her. His blonde hair was from Josh. No one knew that was the reason Josh felt androgynous now, and we preferred to keep it from everyone.

Little did I know, a chance encounter would result in something else. I needed to find Josh, even if it took years and time.

He didn't know Bronx because he never saw him. He didn't remember me. It had to have been too long. It had to have been too many years since he'd left. 

\---  
A/N: Bronx is ten in 2016 in this.  
\--


	3. two | that's a morning moon.

A/N: I listened to this song thsts on the side and thought about this story. This is a flashback to 2006, but the song was released in 2009. Just switch the albums around and pretend it was 2005 the album released. and yes it's a tragically hip song. A little snapshot of how much Josh and Pete did love each other.

THIS MOMENT IS IN SDOS 

There was a really cool article I found out about what a morning moon was.

I always see it in the morning or can find it so I'm pretty happy.  
{Pete's POV} Feburary 2006 flashback 

I don't  get how we ended up here, when I'd made the best mistake last night. Laid beside me, was the angel without wings or powers that I loved, his chest rising and falling as he slept on the bed beside me. Photos of his family littered the walls.

I still couldn't believe this almost mystical human being was Ashlee's distant cousin, which soured my mood. She'd yelled at me last night because she knew exactly where I was going and knew exactly what I was gonna do.

The sun was slowly rising in the sky, and Josh was starting to awaken beside me. His blue eyes, glancing at me. I was planning on divorcing Ashlee. I just... My need for Josh was too much. But I couldn't do it. "Look," I pointed out the moon in the sky. Josh was smiling.

"Is it because it's fuckin' paler than me?" Josh laughed, leaning over to his jacket on the floor. Obviously leaning to either get his blackberry, or get his cigarettes which I wish he'd quit.

"No, look at where the sun is. You always see them, and you think, they could never be together, and a few times a year or even in a decade they eclipse one day, entrapped in each other." I spoke, looking at Josh quickly and smiling. "That's kind of like us. You're that morning moon, starting to go to your daytime sleep, and I'm the sun, rising for another day. Every memory we will have together in the future, is those stars."

Josh's smile faded. "You don't really think that we'll be together? Pete, I really love Amanda. I want to be with her for the rest of my life.... This night was just a night. I'm sorry." Josh's eyes watered with tears. Unrequited love hurt, Josh's quiet tone signalling to me he didn't listen to what I had said.

"One day we'll be together," I told myself over and over again as I smiled as Josh got ready in the other side of the room, taking his fingers and running them through his unruly black  hair. "Like the nighttime sun and the morning moon."

\--  
Short filler chapter because I accidentally screwed up the chapter order and I'm a dumbass.


	4. Three | there's no hope until there's nowhere left to go.

a/n: this is important that you remember this chapter later. Josh is lamenting about losing his whole life that night. 

{Josh's POV} July 3rd, 2016

I walked through the hotel, waiting for the rain to clear as I was trying to stop crying and trying to stop thinking about her. Amanda was my entire life since 2007 and I didn't remember anything else. 

I usually cried a lot when I was in a private place, but I knew that I shouldn't be thinking about her. After we broke up, I went over to Brennan's house and we had drinks. Things happened. Everyone told me to go get tested and I did and nothing came up.

I'd known my entire life that I was one in 10000, that I could one day help someone with a kid or have my own kid. Amanda unfortunately found out and I got into trouble. She didn't like the idea, and I told her one day we could have a kid if she couldn't.

 

I hated myself.  
I hate how I felt about this all, rearing myself apart over something I didn't even remember. I wish I could remember what Amanda was talking about, I had to make the choice that wasn't mine.

I fumbled in my pocket but kept forgetting I'd quit a year or so ago, being unable to bring the smoke to my lips because I remembered her doing so, my hands were shaking and itching because I missed doing this with her.

I missed when I was on tour, all the times I'd been whistling  to call Bennie out of the water. "Bennie! Get out of the water." I always spoke up, and she always ran right to me, her tail wagging and her head affectionately nudging my leg. "You're the only thing I need along with Tux and Anenomie. Pets are better than girlfriends." I always thought when I was near her.

The only problem is, I hadn't slept with a girl since Amanda. I hadn't even had any feelings for girls. Did losing Amanda  make me feel like I wasn't trapped. I'd always known I was bisexual, but I flat out lied. But was I closeted? I had to try to figure to that is.

I wanted someone who could watch the waves with me and find the world's string. Laugh with me and dance to Queen and 80s music that I loved and make fun of the modern radio. Make my life bright again like she did.

But all I had was my pets and my best friends, and I was happy, or so I thought.

My phone started to shrilly ring out on my bedside table and I opened my phone, rolling my eyes at the text I received from Matt reminding me we had a airplane for tommorrow to go to what had to be the third show of SPF80s.

I groaned in annoyance when I got up thirty minutes before we had to be at the airport.

I got to the airport when I felt someone fling paper at ther back of my head, or was it a Starbucks cup, I couldn't tell but when I saw the unfamiliar face, I didn't recognize him. He had blonde hair, with black roots. But had I imagined him? Because he looked like the person from my dreams that id wanted to watch the waves with.

I remembered saying goodbye and staring into honey eyes. My throat closed up from my anxiety, I didn't have anxiety at all but I felt super anxious, for some strange reason, walking up the steps of the airplane steps and feeling sick to my stomach from nerves.

"You're gonna be okay." I remembered those words, the last ones spoken to me by her. They left a acid taste in my mouth thinking of who I could have possibly cheated on Amanda with 10 years ago.

There was nowhere left to go.


	5. four | just kiss me once for luck

an: Meagan doesn't exist in this because of how complicated it already is. 

This gives a few hints.

Also I added a relating to the chapter quote to every chapter.  
and yes finally a trench song don't pitch fork me for not doing trench songs the last few chapters ffs 

I'm posting chapters quicker, but the story itself is a slow burn so don't expect them to be together in the chapter updates coming up this week. Holding off on another update after this one until Wednesday. (

A couple of songs that are coming up  
\- Fourth Of July (chapter five)  
\- The Struggle Has A Name (chapter six)  
\- The Sentimentalist (chapter 7a song)  
\- Stranger Things Have Happened (chapter 7b song)

 

This has a lot of media so this one's archive of our own update will be delayed for at least three weeks.

 

\--  
Pete is dreaming for half of the chapter . Josh is not in this chapter.   
\--  
{Pete's POV} July 3rd, 2016 - dream sequence

"What happened?" I rubbed my forehead, rolling over to look out the window. I could see the beach but I couldn't recognize where it was. I couldn't recognize the phone on the table or anything about it.

I gazed at the wedding band on my finger. It looked familiar.... I rolled over to check the date on my phone. Please don't let this be like those timetravel fa fics. My phone wasn't starting.

I cursed and got up, going to the closet. I didn't recognize the other clothes. Or the view outside my window. But the container of blonde hair dye. The hair shampoo for blondes. Josh. 

But all of the stuff felt dusty and untouched. Confused, I heard a wailing noise from the other room. That sounds like Saint, the kid I had with a one night stand after a party in LA in 2014. I didn't know his mom.

I walked to the room, seeing Saint standing on the crib. He wanted food, if all things. "Cmon, Sainty." I picked him up and carried him to the kitchen. 

That's when I recognized the unfamiliar black dog. 

"If I ever get a dog which won't ever happen, it'll be a rescue." Josh had mentioned years ago. 

I leaned down to check her collar - her collar was pink - and I heard Bowie come running downstairs, obviously coming to knock me down. Her name was Bennie... Rescue dog.i saw her VSPCA paper sitting on the table.

Saint toddled over and Bennie licked his face, and I noticed something. When I saw the phone on the dresser, it looked smashed. I opened it and my heart started to race and feel shattered.

This was definitely a dream as Josh was still alive, but my fear worsened, because I saw photos that I don't remember taking.

In the dream world, I had married Josh and Ashlee never existed.

 

\---back to reality -- (still Pete)

I woke up, grabbing at the sheets of the bed and putting my head in my hands when my mood started to sink and tears poured down my face, eyes reaching for hope in the mirror. I decided that maybe today I deserved a good freak out, a good one for "hey Pete you lost Josh ten years ago and you can't get him back!"

These were really desperate measures now. Just like the Marianas Trench song I keep hearing on the radio...

I thought for a second, and thought about it all. I thought about everything. I decided to do some research, thinking the voice sounded familiar to me in the song. Something about the tone.

I looked up the band. It seemed like a catchy song, I even got it stuck on my head, but it was like the song had followed me across the borders. 

I looked at the photos of the band. Why did they look so familiar? Why did the singer look like.... It couldn't be.

 

I didn't know Josh's last name. I'd forgotten it over the years and I only remembered he had a unique middle name, so I did some further digging, bringing up the Wikipedia page for the band.

 

It was definitely the Josh I had known because I remember that album being mentioned. Had I hurt Josh? I didn't know if he wrote any songs about me, or if any of the countless songs they'd done were about me.

I decided to look up what Josh currently looked like. I needed to know if I was gonna start searching for him, and I knew for a fact he didn't have black hair anymore --- the full photos I'd seen of the band, he was blonde and blue haired. I wondered if he'd recognize me. 

 

Wow, he'd really changed. He seemed healthier and happier. A thing I found said he'd quit smoking. Which was good on him, because I'd wanted him to years ago. Amanda must have convinced him.

He broke up with her, or she broke his heart more like it because all of the websites said he was single. Maybe I should go searching before it's too late to rekindle something that should have happened......


	6. five  | you are my favourite what if

The photo doesn't relate to the song but Josh has a recollection again and you need to read this chapter closely. It affects chapter right of the story.

This chapter is continued in two chapters.

EDIT:  
Republishing the story slowly. 

{Josh's POV) July 4th, 2016

My hands swung loosely at my sides, walking down a pathway in a community garden. Id always had lamenting, a lamenting silence for me.

I was silent in my words, watching the patriotic fireworks blast off in the air as I wished I could share this moment like I did with her. I missed Amanda again on days like this. Laughing and being happy couldn't happen for me. Even after drinks and drugs and everything else I'd struggled with in my life, I couldn't find something to keep me sane, something to keep me from slipping into other things.

My hands found my phone, scrolling through old photos and letting the teardrops roll down my face. My eyes found no sound, a wordless melody of banging firecrackers in the sky and my own heart playing the tune of melancholy.

I was melancholy, sad in a bad way and feeling terrible in the way that I felt. I wanted something real to hold onto. The Fourth of July just brought more pain for me.

Mike, Matt and Ian all had their families and loves and lives in the world and I was stuck alone, singled out by the heartaches of my past. I didn't know what to say or do about any of this, my lips finding no sound.

Then I saw the sign of hope. I saw moi flowers, bluer than my own eyes, in the grassy sides of the stone path. I grabbed them into my fingertips, my smile lifting as I dropped them through my fingers, grabbing one and putting it in my pockets.

I decided to enjoy the Fourth of July for what it was - a celebration of pure living. No matter where you came from those fireworks would light up the night sky that day here, and you'd feel immersed in their light. I now wished I hadn't missed the ones for Canada Day, which was the First of July, but I'd been at a party and had a few before they'd started blasting them off on Vancouver Island.

It made me miss home, where I could find familiarity in the ocean. And I remembered dozens upon fucking dozens of these flowers, in the flower shop where Amanda had dragged me because we'd been looking for wedding arrangements. It was the best and worst part of my memories.

I looked at the scattered flowers I'd left, blown away and swept up by the early July wind that next morning, tears starting to stop falling in my head, the rain starting to clear. 

"Josh? Are you okay?" My bandmate Mike asked. "You were out super late. Did you have another sleepwalking episode?" Mike laughed, and I put on a smirk; a trademark one.

"I realized I'd be okay for once, Mike. I just... I saw those flowers and I felt happy and free. When they were swept away from my feet, they had swept up into a swirl. Like something happy. And now where they were, more would grow right? Even me pulling one out meant one would replace it. Someone would replace her for me, although no one could ever be her." I spoke, looking at Mike. Mike smiled a little at what I'd said.

"I've never heard you be that poetic or philosophical before. You're usually saying the funniest thing. But maybe now that you've realized this, maybe you can open up more. Part of it is learning to accept what has happened. I did when me and Tristan's mom divorced." Mike told me, and I listened, looking at him, knowing what he'd done before he met his fiancé, Megan.

But in all of this honesty, the Fourth of July was always a celebration for me, and now would be. Of the day I chose to live my life after Mike's advice. I accepted what had happened between me and Amanda.

"Mike..... I need to call a band meeting." I smiled a little, planning on making the biggest revelation of my life to my bandmates.


	7. six | now the apology done, applause can begin.

{Pete's POV) July 6th, 2016

"Pete, you can do this." I reassured myself, holding the Polaroid. Remembering my blue eyed wonder, remembering all of the things about him. The new things I'd learned. If he remembered me, I'd be happy and glad.

I wondered if he remembered  where Bronx had come from. I felt bad and decided not to think about it unless  Josh remembered. Id save it for  if Ashlee didn't want custody anymore of a child that was never her child. 

The airplane ride was not easy, my stomach twisting in knots as I walked up to the venue, clad in my hoodie and jeans. I wanted to not look like me, but the band had to not say where I was until Josh said something. 

I snuck around the crowd, seeing various people. I heard the whispers and quiet, the world's lips wound until the truth could come out. 

"Did you hear? Josh came out!" I heard someone say, and my eyes started to water. Josh came out today.... I shouldn't be here. I felt bad, going up to one of the higher balconies where I'd bought my seat. A few friends of mine had bought tickets to the show so they could watch out for me.

I didn't want to ruin Josh's moment. But they'd arranged for a private meet and greet for me and my friends. I had to ask Josh if he remembered me. We'd been friends in the past, I'd say and maybe just hopefully he'd know who I was and I could get my second chance at a life.

I felt happy, estatic, in my words and I smiled at my friends. I felt so... happy. The atmosphere felt happy, in all ways of what to say about everything that happened in the entire world. I would see Josh again and my mind was starting to ring in applause.

The show began, with the crowd cheering for the band on stage. And I saw Josh officially for the first time in ten years. He looked so healthy and happy, so vibrant and happy, watching him perform. 

I felt like the world was setting itself right. He'd always had the performer's energy, the spark in his mind, he'd always been a happy guy when he wasn't depressed or feeling like shit. He was happy with me. But now he was happy without me in his life. The fact that he was happier without me was the best thing in the world and I felt so much sadness I might be disturbing his happiness.

The show went on and on, until the song Dearly Departed came on. I could hear the pain in Josh's voice and my heart started to break, my own eyes starting to break with tears. Was this song about his ex fiancé Amanda?

 

I didn't even know about any of the meanings behind these songs. He seemed so.... upset when he sang it. I was determined to make him happy, make his life better and make him feel better about himself.

His struggle had its own name, and it was loneliness, and when the show ended, I followed my friends backstage, the security crowding us. The band was excited, of course. 

(A/N: the irl Twitter  interaction happened between @mtrench and @petewentz. Josh didn't see it and in this story that is also the case. ) 

The only factor in all of this was my friends's willingness to say something to Josh and the guys. I walked into the room, looking at them. Josh didn't look much different facially, in my own honesty. But his emotional turmoil had made his blue eyes seen more dull.

"Nice to meet you guys," I flashed a smile, took a photo but  I felt someone's hand grab my arm, and I turned my head to meet the eyes of my blue eyed wonder.

"I think I've met you." Josh spoke, and I tried to see that he remembered but I realized he didn't. I don't know how he could have recognized me without knowing me.

(To be continued in the next chapter which continues chapter five.)


	8. seven | i was feeling sentimental

{Josh's POV) continuation of chapter five and the rest of chapter six. July 6th and August 14th are this chapter. 

 

The quiet air in the tour bus as we gathered around the table, the manager not present. I'd told him to stay out of it, it wasn't business related, but I had to say this and I knew my bandmates would be happy.

"Josh?" Matt said, looking at me. "Whatever it is, if you need help, or if you want to confess something, we are all here. Me, Ian, and Mike. Please listen to us if we have any suggestions based on what you're about to say." Matt's words comforted me, he was one of my best friends after all and he was a really really good person. I enjoyed having him as a bandmate.

"Josh, even though you may be the most odd person we've ever met, you're odd in a cool way. Whatever you have to say we will not judge you." Ian spoke, looking to Mike. They probably all worried what I was gonna say would break up Marianas. I would never break up this band. We worked through our problems, and found help, and now I hope my bandmates keep their word.

"I think I have an idea of what Josh is about to say. We had a private conversation, and Josh learned something. Josh you do not have to hide anything from us." Mike smiled brightly, another comforting tone in the room once he spoke. He was the mediator for a lot of the band arguments we had.

"I.... I don't think I have an interest in girls. I thought about Amanda and a lot of my love for her was aesthetic, the desire to forget that fuzzy memory of someone I couldn't remember fully. I don't know where I am exactly on the sexuality spectrum but I'm definitely homoflexible., I think. Some bullshit name but it fits me." I smiled a little, looking at my bandmates. they immediatedly got up and did something I would never expect.

They actually cheered. Apparently, Ian had a suspicion for a while I wasn't into girls and they were joking about it after. Matt kept saying he was gonna set me up with someone and I kept laughing and saying no.

"I'm waiting for the right dude. And before anyone asks, yeah... Had a night with Brennan after drinking." I smirked a little, looking at Matt who was on his phone. I just, I wanted to come out on social media, and what better way than to change my Twitter bio?

I opened up my phone, humming a little, editing my Twitter bio. I removed the word straight, and suddenly my mentions started to implode with thousands of mentions, asking why that word was removed.

"Jeez, can't no one enjoy that I'm finally comfortable sharing?" I tweeted, and everyone was super happy and sharing it. I'd heard about the fanbase theories. I honestly didn't realize myself, that I was mainly into dudes up until recently. I'm just repulsed by the idea of dating another girl, plus shit, I need cuddles sometimes.

I had closed my Twitter page when apparently, the guys dragged me by the arm to the front of the bus. "We're gonna go celebrate that Ramsay decided to finally come to terms with himself," Matt exclaimed which I had no part in and I hoped that the one person that knew hadn't told them.

After a while, it was showtime. I was concerned about fans making rude comments, but I got given some cool things, and a few "finally" comments. I had someone try to grab my ass and I was really not happy with that one (yikes). I got a few glances from everyone.

When it came time for the "private meet and greet," Mike seemed super excited for it because of who it was that was meeting us. The band was considering leaving Cherrytree Records because we'd had some issues with Astoria promotion, the US stores wouldn't promote it, and SPF80s wasn't really promoted in the US the way it should have been. 

"Maybe we can get away from the cherry leeches," Matt said. As much as Cherrytree was good to us, they suddenly started cutting US royalties for Marianas Trench after we didn't release a album for about 4. They needed to get away from us and we needed to find a better label. Barely anyone got paid from Cherrytree's royalty stipulation.

"Yeah... But remember, this is a friendly thing." I said, hoping so far we'd find a better US label. We would always stay with 604 records, but we needed a better US label to support us. I hoped today would result in that.

"That's true." Ian said, "We've all got people to support and you're helping with your mom's stuff. We need better division of royalties within the band and with the label." 

"We always get I think 25% each of the royalties. Marianas Trench gets 100% divided in four. Then they reduced mine to 10 because they said I got too much and now cherry got 15 of mine," I sighed and shrugged. This wasn't really a important conversation, sure, but it was a struggle for us to think about.

Then I found the eyes of the person we were meeting once we finally got in there, our eyes meeting. I immediatedly recognized his eyes but not his name or his face. I walked to him, gripping his arm. "I know you," I spoke quietly.

"How do you remember me?" The man who'd I'd always dreamed about, the one who I'd thought about for years was right here and asking if I remembered him.

"I don't remember anything beyond the word promise." I spoke, tears starting to cloud my eyes. "Do you know something I don't?" I asked, trying not to cry. That man was real and he was right here.

"We have a lot for me to talk to you about. Do you think we could catch up after the Los Angeles show in August?" Pete asked, I only know his name because I remembered it when I saw his eyes plus Matt and Mike and Ian were talking about him. 

"Yeah, I guess we can. Maybe you can help me remember. " I smiled, knowing things would be better than normal, and knowing things would be better once I remembered.

The Los Angeles show came up and Pete came over to the hotel, and we decided to go for a walk to have a private conversation. "Josh, I remember this place.... I remember you. Do you remember cheating on Amanda with a man?" Pete asked and my heart started to flutter. Please don't let it be Pete I cheated with....

I caused his divorce and my bandmates would hate the hell out of me. They wouldn't accept this rockstar's mister anymore. "Yeah...." I shakily said, looking at Pete. More was returning to me. Blurry snippets of my last conversation with Pete.

"You seriously don't think we'll be together?" I felt terrible remembering that. But Pete was alone and I was alone.

I didn't really remember what happened next in the next few hours. I remembered lips on mine, I remembered all the passion I felt. Then I was hardly able to walk before the damn Los Angeles show so I had to after the show go back to the hotel. I didn't remember what happened because I was possibly inebriated and drunk, and my bandmates knew what I'd done.

"Josh, remember the Long Island incident?" Matt glared at me. "Please don't drink before the shows anymore. You know how it affects you and you blackout parts of the night." I had an issue where I ended up drinking too much a long long time ago.

"I think me and Pete slept together. It was a haze, but I think we did." I sighed and stared at the wall. "Matt, I think he was the one I cheated on Amanda with."

"Ten years ago? Josh, we all knew who you'd cheated with. You'd told us and freaked out. When you lost your memory of 2006, you couldn't remember a thing about a Pete. So please remember we didn't tell you to protect you. Besides, you're being sentimental." Matt laughed, and I smiled back at him. "You seem happier now that you have him around. You two gonna end up dating?"

"I hope so. He's really nice. Apparently has a ten year old kid." I smiled a little. "I wouldn't mind marrying him, honestly. He was nice to me in the past, he told me." I grinned a lot, and smiled. "But I'm just a sentimentalist."

\--


	9. eight | running through hell, heaven can wait.

the song is featured within the chapter .

 

{Pete's POV} August 27th, 2016 

I decided it would be a good time to go pick up Bronx, unaware that things would escalate completely. I walked up to the house, hoping I didn't wake his half sister Jagger. 

"Dad!" Bronx hugged me when he saw me. He was happy to see me, and I honestly wished Josh could know Bronx. I could see more of Josh's personality that got inherited. Plus the doctor told us Bronx might end up tall. 

"You are growing like a palm tree," I joked, ruffling Bronx's short blonde hair. I was shocked in all honesty when he was born with platinum blonde hair, but it came from Josh's side of the family, so it would have to be explained if he asked why his mom wasn't blonde.

"Mom said she isn't my mom," Bronx old me once we'd gotten to my car. My face started to pale and I tried to smile, feeling like a jerk for hiding that from Bronx, the identity of the other one who actually gave him blonde hair. And the fact he was almost my height at ten years old.

"Bronx, it's complicated. I'm your dad, but she's still your mom even if she isn't biologically. You remember biology? When you guys learned about eye color? A brown eyed person and a green eyed person don't make a blue eyed kid, if they do it's super rare. Can you tell no one what she told you for me?" I wished I hadn't had to explain that to Bronx but he had asked and I always told the truth. His mom wasn't his mom.

"I'm sad Jagger isn't really my sister," Bronx sighed. "I wish you and Mom had a baby together, Dad." Bronx sniffles, and I started thinking about having Bronx meet Josh. Josh was coming down to visit one of his sisters, Shawn, and I had to someday tell Bronx who exactly his other dad was.

"Trust me, if things work out, maybe we can call have what we want." I spoke, turning on the radio. My cheeks flared red when I realized This Means War was playing. 

"This is a really good song! Mom said her distant cousin is the lead singer.." Oh fuck. Bronx knows who Josh is. Had he put the pieces together? I really doubted it because except for the blonde tone to his hair and Bronx's eye color, Bronx looked just like me.

The next song was a song that I actually enjoyed, so I turned it up and sang along, Bronx laughing from the backseat, me driving to my place and pulling in, when I saw a unfamiliar silver rented Lotus in the driveway.

"Stay here," I told Bronx, confused by who it was. I walked to the door and suddenly was tackled by a mess of blonde hair and palm tree sized limbs. 

"Pete!" Josh had been the one to tackle hug me, but my expression showed no joy. Josh shouldn't be here.... He shouldn't be here. 

"Josh I told ya to wait until my time with Bronx was over," I laughed, but Josh smirked a little, getting up. He knew he was related to Ashlee, apparently.

"I wanna meet him, cmon Pete." Josh pouted and I kept up a straight face. "Okay? Okay!" Josh laughed. So the rented car was Josh's, nice. But I didn't realize just how nice Josh was now. We really liked each other, but with the secret I hid, I couldn't be with Josh until I was honest.

"Dad?" Bronx had come over, and looked at Josh. "You're my mom's cousin!" Bronx exclaimed and I sighed, shrugging a little. Let's hope they like each other. Bronx did remind me of Josh the way he acted sometimes.

After about an hour, they were already getting super close. I felt bad because I didn't want to tell Josh the truth, but I'd have to tell Bronx the truth too. Josh told me after he didn't book a hotel, but his sister had a unexpected emergency with her in laws so he planned to go back to Vancouver tommorrow.

"Josh, stay here." I suggested. "Bronx likes you. Plus I can actually take you on a proper date if you so wish." I laughed, smiling a little, looking at Josh. Josh ate a different healthy diet so I didn't really have to watch where I went with Ramsay, but I wouldn't mind telling Josh now --- I just didn't know how to explain it to Josh that Bronx was his son, and both of ours for a fact.

I went to check my laptop when I heard the exact same song I was listening to on the radio blasting out of the stereo, and I smiled a little watching Josh dance with Bronx. I wanted a whole army of kids with Josh, he was so good with kids but apparently hates them. 

(a/n: remember this ^ ) 

"Long road to ruin, there in your eyes  
Under the cold streetlights  
No tommorrow no dead ends in sightttttt!" Josh sang along, Bronx was laughing  hearing Josh's purposeful off tone singing.

 

"Josh, you want his uncle Patrick to watch him?" I asked the morning after the dance season as Josh had fallen ill with the flu , and I didn't know why. So a sick Josh, coupled with Bronx being upset his "new bestie" was sick, I didn't really want to deal with.

"No, it's fine! He's your son, he won't get sick!" Josh called from the bathroom. A eerie sense of familiarity crept through me. Okay.... How long had it been? 5 days?

"Josh, go to a doctor. You can't just suddenly be sick. Did you get food poisoning?" I asked, scared and worried for my blue eyed wonder. Josh had remembered things slowly. We were close like we were then, but actually dating.

Josh had an unusual burst of energy a few hours later, but I still almost had to drag him by the arm to get him to go -- I dropped Bronx off with Ashlee again, because I didn't want Bronx catching Josh's flu and feeling sick for the next week, --- to the doctor.

Josh waited for the doctor to check him over, looking around at the different photos. "I hate doctors," Josh shook his head.

"Pete, can I speak with you privately?" The doctor pulled me aside into the next room. "Josh had a trauma about ten years ago that altered his personality. He may react terribly if we tell him what's going on. You have to tell him Bronx is his son, and that he's pregnant again."

Josh was pregnant, and we'd managed to get Josh not to freak out. He as weirded out by it. He looked at me worried. "can MT still do their fall tour?" Josh asked quietly.

"You will not be in danger until four months, which means Marianas Trench can do their touring. No flying." The doctor said and Josh gave me the biggest coldest glare because the doctor said he couldn't do the flying rig thing anymore.

"Josh, I have a confession to make...." I started to feel nervous, glancing at Josh. Oh god, I've sealed my fate..... 

"What?" Josh's tone seemed to snap, like a twig in the breeze. "You got something to say? Did you fucking know?!"

"Bronx is your son." I blurted, and suddenly in the blink of an eye, Josh ran out of the doctor's office and slammed the door behind him.

I rushed after him, through the offices, running past medical staff, trying to catch up with him, he got home before me, and when I got there, I was left with a note and the money that I'd spent on Josh last night exactly matched on the table.

"Pete,  
I can't believe you fucking kept this from me that I had a son.  
I'm not gonna abort, I always wanted a kid but I want my own damn life.  
I just remembered that our relationship possibly ruined me and Amanda's.  
If you find me, you can have me back.  
But you sure as hell are gonna have to follow a long road!  
\- Josh." I crumpled the note in my hand, starting to cry and scream, sobs shaking my body. My fucking fault. Josh blamed me, when that drunk driver that hit Josh's car in 2006 ruined this all.

I wanted to tear my hair out, I wanted to lay on the floor and cry. I lost my Josh. I wanted him back and I didn't know what to do.


	10. nine | there's a touch of grey for every shade of blueThe

I got called Satan when the previous  chapter was originally published.

also pls read the warning!  
:)

wARNING:  
Ab*rtion is mentioned. As someone who is neutral, I am quickly disclosing that the Josh of this story is pro-choice. He is considering his options in this chapter. Because he is feeling insecure.

 

He will not end up doing it but I need you guys to understand this topic I've never seen explored in any other story that has a mpreg plot point, and I wanted to explore how Josh felt about it.

I do not know if Josh Ramsay actually is pro choice or pro life.  
This chapter carries a heavy trigger warning for the topic it explores. Skip if the topic bothers you. Also has a Josh and Amanda interaction. 

 

This is a Friday double update because chapter ten is far from ready and I have to have two days to extend it to be a two part chapter. Part One ended with their reunion, Part Two is the rough stuff (up until chapter fifteen), and the last few chapters are happier and fluffier. I promise. This story won't go past 25 chapters. And there will be short stories to fill gaps for five chapters.

Their kid who will be Saint, because Meagan didn't exist in the story, will not be born until at least chapter 18-19. MT's European and Canadian tour is literally the entire second part. 

 

{Josh's POV} September 29th, 2016

I sat on my couch, trying to wipe the tears from my eyes, trying to avoid the looks and glances from my bandmates, knowing it was a shock. But we decided to continue to do the Canadian tour.

"I don't want it." I blurted, staring at my stomach. Inside was his son, his fucking second son. And I didn't even want the kid anymore. Pete wasn't here. I couldn't do this.

"Josh.... Please consider your options. This kid is a Ramsay. He'd have the best life with you and you know that. We're all here for you whatever you decide. We will not pressure you." Mike said, but I couldn't stop my own tears from falling down  my  face.

I stared at my rounded stomach. I felt ill and sick inside. I didn't know what to do, what to say about all of this. I could imagine a life free of my responsibility but at what cost? They said it'd be super dangerous and could kill me.

I bitterly smiled. I didn't speak of what I was thinking of doing. I was doubting severely being able to be a single dad to a child that could very well look like Pete too much and I didn't want that. I just wanted to feel confident.

I sighed and rubbed my tummy. "Just you and me, huh little fucker? I would miss you if I made up my mind," I would miss that feeling that a person who once nearly killed himself, was giving another life to this world. But I would feel so stupid inside if I made up my mind and chose to let this kid go.

I sighed and made up my mind. I pulled out my phone, tears breaking in my eyes, sniffling as my voice found the words. I couldn't find my voice in that moment.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't do it. No matter what my own personal views were, I would regret it. Plus it would be deadly to me and Marianas could be out a lead singer because I was selfish. I was gonna do this for myself and for my bandmates.

I couldn't do this.  I trembled in my tone, scared to admit it. "I can't do it. I'll pay the fee for the cancellation, and for the silence. I can do this. I have my bandmates to help me too." 

 

I went outside after hearing a knock , and noticed a familiar person on my doorstep. My facial features twisted into something... mean. "What the fuck are you doing here?" I sneered, my anger rising.

My ex Amanda was standing right there. "Josh, can we talk?" Amanda had shown up likely because she was jealous and she would likely throw a hissy fit.

I heard my bandmates who were visiting come to the door, they knew the situation would likely escalate, and it did.

"Fine." I snapped, "talk to me all you want then. Not like you wanted to 3 years ago when you walked right out on me." I hissed and glared at her. "You're a bitch, you know that right? I just had to make a difficult fucking decision and you show up out of nowhere begging to talk?!"

"Josh can you listen.... I know exactly how you feel--" Amanda stammered out and my own face paled. Aw fuck, please don't tell me I have another kid out there. Two kids I don't know about. Might as well just be dad to four for all I know.

"I don't need you or your lies in my life. This kid inside me is not any of your business. As far as I'm concerned he is no one's business but mine." I walked back into my apartment, my face showing anger and distress. I heard her clicking heels behind me. "GET OUT! I don't fucking need you in my life!" I yelled at her.

"Josh!" Matt rushed in, grabbing and holding me back. "Josh, calm down okay? Please chill out and talk to her peacefully."

"I came to give you advice that you're refusing. That's what I was here to say. If you really love someone you would give them up to make their life better. I had a career lined up and you know that's why I left. So stop calling me a cheater when there wasn't only one in our relationship." Amanda crossed her arms, and I calmed down completely. "You and Pete are happy. All the photos I've seen of you two are the happiest I've ever seen you, and you smile more than you did than you were with me. You need to listen to me when I say things sometimes."

"I poured my fucking heart out into Dearly Departed and you come here and say this all to me and try to help my current relationship? You left me for a selfish reason!" I was about ready to, if Amanda wasn't a girl, I would have done something because I hated her. 

I felt pains. Whimpering, I struggled to stand and laid down on my couch. Had she come just to cause me the worst emotional pain. My bandmates got Amanda to leave, but I didn't feel okay.

"I gotta call Pete...." I curled in on myself, the pains cascading up me. Was I gonna lose this baby? No......   
I went to go shower once my bandmates had left, watching them all go.

 

I showered, letting the soap run down my body when my vision started to go  red from the inner turmoil my body was experiencing. I felt sick and  ill, my feet starting to waver as I started to feel the emotional pain of the past creep through my vision, my fists smacking against the porcelain tile, feeling the blood run down from them. I wanted to rip my heart out, throw it to the floor and watch the blood spill. I wanted to go out with a bang, I wanted to die.

I loved a liar, who I didn't even feel like I trusted anymore. Suddenly, my entire body seemed to shudder, my legs started to shake as I hastily reached for the medicine cabinet. I'd forgotten my damn antidepressants today! That's likely why I felt like a shitbag. Or why I had no clear state of mind.

I grasped my hand around them, but my anger boiled and I threw the bottle at the door, sighing and giving up on showering, letting the pain consume me, screaming my head off into my bedroom pillow. I was fucking losing it, and all because Amanda had fucking decided to show her face here and ruined my fairytale that I was gonna be happy for fucking one day.

I hadn't lost it since the day she left. I hadn't gone into a rage and thrown stuff. I had been happy and seeing her drove me to anger. I didn't want her here ever again. Bennie was supposed to be our dog and she abandoned Bennie with me. 

I was so angry and feeling aggressive inside, I had to sleep to calm down. Plus it wasn't good for Mini-Ramsay that I was acting mad. I sighed and rubbed my tummy again, feeling his sweet little kicks. This felt fucking cool, but it made me feel like shit otherwise in all of this.

 

\---  
SEE  
It had a Cute Ending  
\- satan apparently


	11. ten || maybe not the way we thought we planned  | part one

{Pete's POV} October 3rd, 2016.

Josh must be feeling awful today, I thought to myself, looking at Bronx. Bronx had repeatedly asked where Josh was and I didn't want to explain what had happened.

I never told Bronx.  
I decided not to. Josh had ran off and I got distracted. I threw the frisbee to my son, who I started to see a lot of me in. 

Then I saw a blonde across the park, walking a black lab, and my heart started to hope; until I saw it was a girl and the lab was a boy. That was not Josh, I could see him in every thing I looked for.

I decided to not go look for Josh this month. Marianas Trench was overseas in the United Kingdom doing the European shows, and I was really really happy Josh was continuing to play music. The fans apparently had found out and I'd watched videos. Josh ended up laughing it off, starting to wear see through shirts.

I was happy for my Josh, and I was afraid he would hate me again. The last time I saw him was the back of his head, him getting onto a airplane back to Vancouver. It was so scary to know that Josh had all the choices in the world.

I swallowed my pride and decided to call Josh. My heart wasn't in this, I knew it but I needed to know he was doing okay today. "Josh?" I answered, hearing the faint voice on the other end answer.

"Pete.. I'm so so sorry." Josh blanketed out, "I'm sorry for how I acted a month and a half ago. I'm sorry for being a idiot and running out because I didn't realize you were not telling me to save me. Thanks for doing that for me. You're lucky I thought about it last night or we wouldn't be talking." Josh laughed and it sounded full of blossoms and light. It sounded like music, hearing my Josh's voice again. Would he really forgive me after what I'd done to him?

"Josh.... I know that apology is from someone who is emotionally not ready for all of this. I can't apologize because it's technically not our fault that that asshole hit your car in '06. So stop apologizing for something you didn't cause or do." I spoke, my words seeming kind of sharp and blunt. Bronx was downstairs playing video games again so I wasn't really in the mood to go and deal with a obviously not emotionally stable Josh.

The courage I had to have to say this too, my voice continuing. "I want you to know that whatever you do in life will always mean the most to me and I do not deserve you. You deserve happiness she and not to be wrapped up into my own hectic life, my own hectic acts and motions in the world of music. You're a singer, and today is the most painful day for you. Please get that I'd a accept your apology if you were emotionally sound to give it. Focus on how happy you are without me. I'm sorry." I was sniffling, hanging up the phone, wiping my eyes. He would always be the one I loved, but today he had to let go of the past and I couldn't ruin his day. He had a show. He couldn't be hung up on me, and I couldn't feel the need to go after him.

I had to be strong and try to forget Josh.


	12. ten | and their voices rang with that aryan twang | part two

the song in this chapter, Bobcaygeon, is a really good song and this chapter has a happy quote about getting back together. Pete and Josh reunite again and stay together. I promise.

\--  
{Josh's POV} October 10th, 2016

I was waiting to go on stage for one of the European shows, looking around and trying to hope to hell that things would be alright, things would be okay and I would be happy with myself. But the whole thing is, that I would be happier without Pete, but I couldn't do it all without Pete.

I sighed and went to one of the pay phones outside, my bandmates were looking for me, I put the pay phone to my ear and remembered so many things. I remembered the words we spoke and I remember how my heart felt for so long.

I sighed and gave in, my fumbly fingers dialling the numbers for Pete's phone. "Pick up, please." I begged silently to myself, hoping and praying to God that Pete picked up.

"Hello?" Pete's voice answered, "whoever this is shouldn't have this number. Say who you are now." Pete seemed cold and indifferent and angry, I could understand if he was because of me.

"Pete.... It's Josh. I thought things through and I thought about it all. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of the bullshit I caused in the past. I remember how I pushed you away and I remember how I denied your dreams. If you don't want me back, I've spent too long ruining from you. I know it." I spoke, waiting for the words to come out right and waiting for Pete's reply.

"Josh, I wish I could just hop on a plane and come there to watch you sing your heart out, watch you do your thing on stage. I can't just do that, because my passport isn't renewed, but I do forgive you and I hope you forgive me. Please remember that if I'm not right there with you the whole way you know I am in spirit." Pete spoke, and I wiped my eyes as I hung up when Matt called me to go get ready for the show.

I decided to do something different tonight. I didn't tell the band, but I'd told the venue. I wanted to bring back the covers. I was happy that Pete had forgiven me and I'd forgiven him. But we weren't back together. I wasn't ready for that kind of thing at the moment.

 

The only problem I saw was that the world was turning and turning into things that weren't beautiful, or gorgeous in my mind. They were beautiful in a moment, beautiful in a decade, I felt ahead by a century. 

I remembered all of the things years ago, going to that concert with Pete and remembering hearing Bobcaygeon. Remembering when our lips met and remembering the night we made all the things happen, remembering it all. That was the night without a doubt, where I'd gotten likely Bronx's name from because the show was in New York.

I knew the time was coming for the cover and I went over to the piano, staring around at the crowd. "So some people keep saying, "hey Ramsay why didn't you watch that show on TV in August?" and I'm a fucking Canadian so why the hell wouldn't I. I've always been a kinda fan of this group and I thought a one night only cover would be great. This song holds a special memory to me of when I had my own special moment at their concert years ago."

 

"I left your house this morning,  
'Bout a quarter after nine.  
Coulda been the Willie Nelson,  
Coulda been the wine" I started singing, my fingers plucking the chords of the guitar in my hands. I felt so.... Rejuvenated, and relieved that I could share my memory. 

"When I left your house this morning,  
It was a little after nine  
It was in Bobcaygeon, I saw the constellations  
Reveal themselves, one star at time" this was the most wonderful feeling, my mouth singing the words that had been the soundtrack to that spark. The whole crowd had more or less brought out phones, and it felt like the greatest atmosphere you'd ever seen.

" Drove back to town this morning,  
With working on my mind  
I thought of maybe quittin',  
Thought of leavin' it behind " I started to cry, thinking of Pete and thinking of that horrible day that I walked away ten years ago. My heart was sinking, and I didn't know what to do. I remembered lamenting that July day about missing Amanda. I remembered the Fourth of July and watching the fireworks alone. 

 

"Went back to bed this morning  
And as I'm pullin' down the blind,  
Yeah, the sky was dull and hypothetical  
And fallin' one cloud at a time" I felt like the words were consuming my soul, my memories returning of kisses and pleasure under the silken sheets. When I caught only one glimpse of the newborn Bronx, his parentage covered by birth certificate changes and faked pregnancies.

"That night in Toronto,  
With its checkerboard floors  
Riding on horseback,  
And keeping order restored,  
Til The Men They Couldn't Hang,  
Stepped to the mic and sang,  
And their voices rang with that Aryan twang" I felt relief as the song started to reach its heightened point, my eyes scanning the crowd. They begged to have me continue my emotional words.

"I got to your house this morning,  
Just a little after nine  
In the middle of that riot,  
Couldn't get you off my mind" I had continually thought of Pete throughout the lyrics as I kept on and on singing. The crowd didn't find my own verses or words.

"So, I'm at your house this morning,  
Just a little after nine  
'Cause, it was in Bobcaygeon  
Where I saw the constellations reveal themselves  
One star at time" I stopped when I noticed a familiar face up in the balcony of whatever theatre Marianas was playing tonight. I started to cry. Fuck? I'm supposed to play Dearly Departed... I'm supposed to after the Bobcaygeon cover.

This isn't going to end well.  
I rushed backstage, my bandmates rushing after me. Mini Ramsay had also decided to start his kicking fury again, so it wasn't helping. I'd stopped going shirtless two shows in. The fans didn't really notice a difference. I had to go off of the health diet because it wasn't good for Mini Ramsay. Or should I say Mini Ramsay/Wentz. I don't know, I guess I was in such an emotional state things on my mind were rushing in.

"Josh, breathe in and out." Mike instructed me as I started to chokingly sob, the best memories coming to me. "You have to not play DD. You're too emotionally unstable. Do a fan requested song, instead of doing DD." Mike gave me a light hug. "It'll be good for Mini Ramsay."that's now what my bandmates had nicknamed the spawn - I don't call my kid a spawn but I originally did-, but I didn't tell them about Bronx, because it was too much of a long story. Now back to what was going on...

I went back to the stage, my eyes still red rimmed. "Obviously, I feel like shit cause yknow, that song is super emotional for me, so I'm unfortunately not going to do Dearly Departed, but let you guys pick the next song. After that, we play the rest of the set."

The fans ended up picking Beside You, because I sure as hell wasn't playing Pop 101 -- we'd removed it for some shows. Wasn't risking the spawn to jump and bounce during pop101-, or Shake Tramp in my state. It was a nice subsitute, and to help my emotions I imagined I wrote it about Pete.

I went back to the tour bus after the show, when I saw a familiar face sitting in the front area. "What are you doing here?" I asked, my tone seeming full of happiness.

\---  
Who is Josh speaking to?  
a) Pete   
b) his best friend Brennan  
c) his best friend Andrew  
d) his sister Sara


	13. 11 | i sing no wrong, but acadia is gone

A/N:  
Josh loses someone.  
Be prepared to cry.

End of an Era is on the side because I felt like it should be. The Acadia lyric fits the story title while End of An Era is the chapter song.

 

Continuation of Chapter ten, part two.

\------

[Josh's POV] 

"I'm so happy to see you!" I exclaimed, hugging my sister Sara, but she didn't seem happy. Why had she come all the way to the UK? What was she planning on telling me?

"Josh, I don't know how to say this." Sara was wiping her eyes, and I couldn't fathom why she'd come here, and my heart started to sink completely.

What was going on? Why has she come to see me particularly. "What happened, Sara? Did Mom get worse?" I asked, feeling devastated because they'd told us we had a damn 6 years with her in 2014.

"Mom's fine, as fine as she can be." Sara sniffles, looking at me. My eyes started to water, realizing what she's come here to do. "It's about dad."

"But...." I started to stammer, going to put my hand over my tummy. Why would she tell me when she knows my emotional pain would be so great?

"Josh, they-they said---" Sara sniffles, "Shawn called me and told me to come here and tell you. I'm sorry, baby brother." Sara sighed and walked to hug me, but my tears were starting to roll. Why? Why now? Why had this fucking happened?

I couldn't take this, wanting to just scream my lungs out. The whole fucking reason I was a musician passed away. I wouldn't be who I was, if it wasn't for my dad teaching me.

"S-Sara, " I choked out, "I don't know if I can emotionally do the next show. I denied the fans Dearly Departed, and that song is gonna hurt worse." My own heart was sinking and Mini-Ramsay had kicked up a storm and it helped me to smile.

"If he doesn't get hurt by this, you should name him something special. Maybe after dad. Dad would smile at you from up there. I came here because a phone call is too impersonal. Do that show for dad tommorrow." Sara left after, leaving me crying.

I had the perfect baby name for Mini Ramsay and I didn't know what to do, because this was the end of one era and the beginning of another. 

I finally had chosen a name and was planning to tell the fans, because it was getting apparent some were asking about why suddenly they'd see something going on with my tummy or something, thinking it was gas again. I had to tell them tonight.

I decided to before End of an Era. I explained why I chose tonight, because my dad had passed on naturally.'"I have some exciting and odd news to share. Yes, this motherfucker aka me, is gonna be having a kid in April or May sometime! Can't disclose the other parent, but you get the drift. I hate screaming kids so let's see how I do with my own. Maybe I'll make my dad proud."

We played End of An Era, and the crying and cheering happened, and I swear, the best show of my life was that night. The fans chanting for encore, the words coming out of my mouth because I felt like singing more.

"You'll get your encore." I grabbed the microphone. "I'm going to do Acadia. Because that's my childhood summed up, and a big part of my childhood involved my dad. We've never done an encore past End Of An Era before, so please bear with us."

 

After Acadia was done, we went off of the stage, my bandmates and the crew congratulating me. But the fans didn't know, and I wanted to say something on social media. 

I pulled up my Instagram, discreetly following Pete. I didn't want that much made a deal of it. But I wanted the world to know now. 

"All of you may have heard I made a pretty big fucking announcement at the show tonight, and I was happy to make it. Yeah, I'm having a kid. Don't worry, Bennie's not jealous. She's happy to have a playmate. But I don't need anyone asking me who's the other parent. You'll figure it out on your own. But by the way, read my Twitter bio tommorrow. I've changed a few things." I posted a photo of the gender reveal too because I wanted Pete to see the photo too. And I tagged Pete.

I just hoped this wouldn't end terribly in the end. We eventually got back to Vancouver at the end of the European Vacation tour and my bandmates kept laughing about my "odd food" needs. "Seriously, guys, stop." I laughed, I'd wanted odd food for a long time.

The next tour was the Canadian one, and I went to the doctor again because I wanted to make sure I was still progressing okay. He stated we would be unable to do flying at all this tour. The fans understood, because heck, they wanted me happy.

I heard a knock at my door, knowing I had to go to the funeral for my dad soon, but I saw a familiar face with a dozen roses, and as cheesy as that fucking was, I couldn't resist hugging who it was. It was Pete. "I fucking missed you." I said, and smiled. "I'm happy I got to tell the world about this baby. I just was so sad and I needed to make everyone happy."

"I missed you too, Josh." Pete hugged me, and I was smiling. Fucking finally, after my pain and emotional turmoil, I'd found someone who was worth going back to. When we had our fights I was ready to go back to him.

The fact he made me happy was the best feeling in the world. And I didn't know what to say. Finally I wasn't alone, but how would I feel when the next months would change me forever?

"A son, huh?" Pete laughed, "Patrick kept saying girl, because him and Elisa had a girl, she's Dec's baby sister." Pete had caught me up completely on all of that stuff, because hell? I wanted my happiness and he made me feel good inside.

I thought my Acadia was gone, but now I felt safe and happy. And that was the best feeling I ever felt.

I just knew my dad was smiling from up in heaven.   
\----  
Thanks guys for enduring the last three chapters.  
Things get better from here for the next four chapters. I promise.

Also, sorry for a character death happening but a ton of people wanted someone to die in a earlier chapter, and I did it later. Plus I wanted to do a little snippet regarding Josh and Sara's sibling relationship regarding this.  
now.

 

\- Lexi


	14. Chapter 14

Chappy song is "Only One You" by Dallas Smith.

This part of the story starts when just before MTAndTheLastCrusade does! So the tour promo and the poster are on the side :) I went to the Feburary 2nd show!

These were my seats for Trench!

 

 

{Pete's  POV) October 31st 2016

"Josh, we're not naming him after Freddie Mercury," I said. Josh had been adamant the baby was gonna get named after his hero, but I tried to counteract that Josh shouldn't name a baby after someone the baby wouldn't be able to likely life up to.

"Aw come on," Josh huffed. When you're dealing with moody Josh , on top of him having worries about the tour, that there was just restrictions placed. It sucked I wasn't able to go to every show, because apparently the label doesn't want me and Josh seen together because it'll "upstage Marianas Trench" because I'm in a more famous band. 

People would make a huge deal, so me and Josh made them reluctantly agree I'd go to the BC shows, plus it's not like I couldn't just surprise Josh and go to more shows. People knew we were together now.

"We are not naming that baby after a guy from a band. I would understand if it was my name, because it's a family thing, but we need a unique name. Something that fits our kid. Not someone else's name." I said, glancing over to Josh's phone, which Josh was glued to looking at baby name websites. Josh would be the type to try to name his kid after someone he admired, I get that, but admiration sometimes goes too far.

{ a/n: before anyone asks any celebrities that died irl in 2016 didn't die in this story, also the /other kid/ named Saint never happened) 

"Okay, so what do you propose we name mini-Ramsay" Josh laughed, and I gave him a playful poke in the arm. Josh can get sassy when he has a mood swing, and this was the highest point of sass I'd ever seen out of him.

"You mean mini-Wentz, right?" I smiled at Josh and Josh's eyes looked wide and shocked. Okay, either he's upset that he can't call the baby that anymore, or he's surprised this wouldn't happen. 

"Okay, fine!" Josh huffed and said sassily. His blonde hair was put back --- I joked a lot about the manbun, but Josh said he'd be cutting it before the baby came because he didn't want his hair pulled -, which was a relevant and sad thing because I loved it better unponytailed. But nonetheless, it was really cool to see that Josh was happy, and I was happy too.

"what about Saint?" I suggested, looking at Josh who smiled and laughed a little, but I knew he agreed.

"Yeah, that's a cool name. Saint Miles Wentz?" Josh suggested, and then my plan came in my mind. I had a plan, but I hoped it would work out the way I had planned.

[A/N: MY dearly departed in sorry) 

 

I wanted to propose at Christmas, I know I've barely been with Josh for a few months but I wanted to try and plus I wanted to marry Josh before Saint was born, even if it was a Vegas wedding.

I just knew I was going to be happy either way.

\--

.did anyone expect them to not name their son Saint? The baby has been hinted at as a boy all along. :)  
-Lexi  
\---


	15. 13 | We could live in bliss. | part one

{Pete's POV} November 3rd, 2016

You get to watch the love of your life perform the best show of his life, and make the biggest reveal on stage. He told the fans to watch what the lights changed to during "This Means War", and they lit up the stage in blue aqua.

"Yeah, that's right. This little fucker is a male," Josh exclaimed into the microphone, walking across the stage. He had started showing and we'd noticed him becoming more and more fatigued. I was concerned for his health. He seemed to be developing faster in the pregnancy and I was really concerned, because this hadn't happened before.

I noticed Josh was swaying. I looked from side stage, my eyes finding my Josh as he sang out the words to Who Do You Love. Every piece of clothing he had was flimy and silky, and flattered him, plus he wasn't showing, and I doubt he ever would.

"Hey British Mike?" I asked the guy beside me, the band called him that and I'd adopted the nickname too. 

"Yeah, Pete?" B.Mike said, looking at me. "Josh is swaying likely because he's getting into the song. Let's hope for no more vertigo." B.Mike went to sneakily switch the guitars out, walking to side stage.

Josh got off stage later, running right to me. He seemed off-Center and dizzy. Had he been following the diet he had to? He had been told to go back to the diet with prenatal supplements so Saint would be pulled out healthy and crying for us in a matter of five months. They suspected Josh would have to ultimately deliver a month early.

"I'm fine," Josh mumbled when I was cuddling him on the tour bus and feeling for Saint's little kicks. This was not what I wanted to see Josh like, and he looked ill.

"Josh, you seriously shouldn't have gone back on the diet... you need to eat fat just for the duration of the pregnancy... For Saint's sake." Had Josh been eating too little? Is that why I saw Josh eating vitamins again and again and again, or popping pills that I knew were suspicious.

"I'm getting too heavy," Josh admitted. I sighed and wiped the tears from my blue eyed wonder's eyes, holding him close. He had his long blonde hair tied back again, he always had. "I'm gonna miss my hair when it goes."

"Josh, you are beautiful and need to learn that," I sighed and gave Josh a kiss on the lips really quickly. Josh seemed to feel different lately.

Mike yelled backstage after Josh had rounded the corner and I rushed, to see my boyfriend on the ground unconscious.

What the fuck just happened to my four months pregnant boyfriend?!

I had all the worst thoughts in my mind, my heart starting to hurt.

A nightmare began to form in my head, and I just wanted to scream. Please don't let him lose our son please he deserved a son and I deserved a second chance at being a family with Josh.

I curled up on myself, crying and hoping good news came down the wire within seconds, I'd haplessly ignored the shrinking doubt in my mind and I wanted to stop crying. 

I went to the hospital. I went to the desk, numb and static filled. Had Josh not called because he was sobbing in fear? Or did he not get allowed calls?

"Mr.Wentz?" The Doctor said, looking at me with a bad look, a bad vibe. "I have a bit of dissappointing news......... " he told me and shock registered on my face when he told me. .


End file.
